They say the two most important days in a persons life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. I knew not to long into my journey here on earth what my purpose was. It is to be a mother… and not just any mother but , Hope, Wilson, Dallin and Kate s mom. Why doesn’t that sound nearly as important as rocket scientist or ” I was born to be a doctor, or a movie star” or, “I was born to cure cancer”. Maybe you’re thinking blahhh that’s nothing! reach higher! Mothers get no pay, no recognition, no fame. Besides really anyone can be a mother, even if you don’t have biological children you can still mother. Let me tell you why this is no small thing for me. growing up as the oldest of four girls I easily and eagerly took on the role my sisters lovingly gave me of “mother Marni”. I got them dressed, read to them, played with them, fed them, and reprimanded them when needed. 🙂 At church I was never without a baby in my arms. my weekends were filled from a young age of caring for others children. At the age of 21, I left for a mission. In the M.T.C. a powerful truth came over the pulpit that re affirmed this for me once again. the M.T.C president said “do you know why there is today with us the largest number of sister missionaries this building has seen? because these women will need to know the scriptures better than ever before to teach them to their children.” I was told on my mission during a blessing that I was there in large part for my family, I knew that meant my sisters and parents, but I also felt it was for my future family.
After Jeremy and I had been married for a little over a year we both felt the prompting to begin having children. In a sacred experience I was told through a priesthood blessing to stop taking birth control pills. This was the only time in my entire life before or since that God has ever asked me in a straightforward and specific way to do or not to do something. After the blessing I walked to the bathroom and threw away the pills. Soon after I was pregnant. my pregnancy with Hope was, putting it mildly, awful. The delivery wasn’t so great either. I had a specialist tell me “you were not meant to deliver babies!” physically, I may not have been meant for this. I learned a lot through those 9 months of suffering in a way I never had before. I learned of the enabling power of the atonement. As I suffered, mostly alone in a one bedroom apartment, I became stronger and closer to my Savior. So to have more children was an act of faith . During Wilsons pregnancy I kept a picture of Peter, the apostle, walking on water above my bed. When Dallin unexpectedly came along I sobbed in Jeremy’s arms by the toilet in our bathroom wondering how I was going to do it. During this pregnancy, Wilson who was a year and a half at the time, would follow me around asking if I was going to throw up again. we would be out side in the backyard playing, Id run to vomit in the bushes, and I could feel a little hand on my back. when I turned around Id see him with those big blue concerned eyes looking at me.
I feel that to really live we need to live for others and mothering gives me an easy way to do that. It has added to the depth of my character and refined my soul into something more valuable. I love it for those things it has made me, a better human being, but you know what I love most? them. The way sometimes I will cry by my 12 year olds bedside when he is asleep because I was told he wouldn’t live long after he was born and he has been the perfect child ever since a mothers plea on his behalf was answered. I love that my 13 year old reads my parenting books and practices on her siblings, that she is already a better mother than I am. I love all that my sweet 10 year old teaches me with his disabilities and challenges . at the end of each day he wants to snuggle with me and tells me I am beautiful. I love that I have a 6 year old who never wants to be away from me and says she misses me first thing in the morning. I cannot fathom in all of eternity anything being more fulfilling than that of being a mother. Julie Beck said” the value women place on motherhood in this life and the attributes of motherhood they attain here will rise with them in the resurrection. Women who desire and work toward that blessing in this life are promised they will receive it for all eternity, and eternity is much, much longer than mortality. There is eternal influence and power in motherhood.”
I am not naïve to the fact that we live in a word where having children and motherhood itself is under attack. less people believe in the idea nor value it. There is not much instant gratification and definitely not for the “think about yourself” mentality that permeates our culture. And maybe motherhood isn’t your purpose. I do know that we all have one. I know that to have that purpose burning before your eyes each day and filling the immensity of your heart is what makes life worth living. Find what it is you were born to do and then do it well. No matter the cost.
