Jeremy leaned over to me on Sunday and said “Happy Valentine’s Day! I’m going to make everyone dinner!” “Wow” I smiled, “but you don’t know how to cook. Well, besides top ramen.” “And macaroni and cheese” he said proudly. “I don’t really like mac n cheese”. Í said. “I know, so I’m going to make you oatmeal!” Mmm I love that. As I walk away I hear “How do you make oatmeal?” “Google it” I said. So he did and it turned out wonderful! With toast, hot chocolate and the finest dishes we own. True love is like that, it takes skills. Sometimes you don’t know how but you learn it and with practice you get better.
The other night we were playing ticket to ride with friends and having a wonderful time! We were all laughing and talking so much most of the time we didn’t know whose turn it was. Jeremy mentioned a form of entertainment he thought was brilliant and I said we had different ideas of what brilliant was. He can enjoy Japanese anime while I prefer watching something with English accents. He loves the cold weather and snow…I hate them. He is content being at home and I long for adventure in a faraway land. He said with a huge grin “we are so different! It’s like we were one brain split in half!” ha!But when your kid has been sent to the principal, or a child faces a life threatening disease, those things don’t really matter! True love is not compatibility, but being complimentary to the other. On my phone instead of Jeremys name I have him listed as my other half. We embrace each other’s quirkiness and individuality. We can see it makes us a better person. I know I need Jeremy’s strengths, they outweigh my own weaknesses, and I hope my strengths help him.
Last week I was struggling. I think the whole seasonal depression thing hit me like the inversion that settled in hard on this side of the mountain. The cold and bad air was trapped and shoved down upon us and lasted so long! I tried everything that I know works to help me through it. One night, after my knees were worn out and my heart felt it would break, I fought hard to reach out for that lifeline I knew I needed. I knew if I could just talk to Jeremy I’d feel better. So I sat on our bedroom floor where I had locked myself in and texted “Are you in class? “I put my phone down and just as my eyes were brimming with tears I heard Kate exclaim, “Yay! Daddy’s home!” He came to our room looking for me and sat on the floor putting his arm around me. He said “I was planning to stay late to study but I had a feeling I should come home, so I did.” We talked for a while and that dark cloud seemed to gradually dissipate. Then he offered to give me a priesthood blessing. After that I was healed. I saw and could feel the warmth of the sun once again on that cold night. True love is like that. It means that you’re there for the other person, no matter what…even sometimes when you don’t know why. You show up and you go to bat for them. But the kind of love that last forever and brings sheer joy always requires a third partner, God. It cannot be done without Him.
Over ten years ago I sat in a church meeting in California where the prophet, president Hinckley, spoke on marriage. I will never forget this one line that has become etched onto my heart. “The truest mark of your success in life will be the quality of your marriage.” “What did he just say” I thought?! At the time we had three little children and honestly I thought the truest mark of my success would have something to do with them. This changed my way of thinking and my focus. My success will be measured by the kind of wife I am. I did a mental check right there in my mind so I don’t remember anything else that was said after that. I was like “whoa… I’m not doing so well.” And I want to be super successful! I went to work and it wasn’t easy. Because changing the natural woman into something better is going to be painful. It’s supposed to be. The last 17 years I’ve had to learn over and over how to forgive quickly, how to work through a difficult financial situation and not want to cry after we did our budget! How to stand by him when he disciplined a child in a way I didn’t like in the moment. I’ve learned to turn to him instead of pulling away. I’ve learned to love and be grateful for the choice I made when I chose Jeremy. I know I have a long way to go, but I’ve learned a little about what true love is, it’s like Wesley said to miracle max from a movie we both agree is pure brilliance … True love is worth living for.
